Mark Lincir

I don’t think David Beckham ever lost this much! The former Manchester United and Real Madrid midfielder is being forced to get used to a life of mediocrity with the Los Angeles Galaxy.

The Galaxy are the biggest name club in Major League Soccer, despite not making the playoffs the last TWO seasons. And to add insult to injury, it’s not that hard to make the playoffs in MLS…I think all you need is a face.

The cause of my alarm, anger and frustration was watching the Galaxy get absolutely crushed by a not-even-that-good FC Dallas team yesterday in Dallas. Sure, it was hot…it was hot for both teams. If Landon and Beckham were tired from the All-Star festivities, too bad! They both get paid enough to be forced to gut it out.

What did Landon do yesterday at outside midfielder? NOTHING. How about designated waste of money (oops, designated player) Carlos Ruiz, what did he do against Dallas? Less than nothing, if that’s possible. How about Beckham? Nothing. Pete Vagenas? Are you kidding me?

Ruud or not, what the Galaxy has to do is go and get back a number of the players that they traded away. Go back Chris Albright…Ugo  and Tyrone Marshall. Do something to shore up that backline, because in it’s current form, it is PATHETIC. Trusting a goalkeeper in Steven Cronin that has limited MLS experience with a backline that has more holes in it that a slice of Swiss cheese is asking for trouble. And trouble has come knocking all too often.

But what the Galaxy will do is hold onto the fact that almost everybody makes the playoffs and then they will try to turn it on. Wow! Isn’t that the type of team you want to watch between April and September? The answer is no.

They have Beckham, Landon and Ruiz and all they can do is get blasted at Dallas 4-0 by a team that hadn’t even won a game for its new coach yet?

Now give credit where credit is due…Dallas’ Kenny Cooper was the whole show yesterday. He proved why Landon can no longer be called the best American player in MLS by default. How about Cooper? He had two nice goals and an assist yesterday and was everywhere he needed to be up top for his team. And he’s got multiple teams from overseas requesting his services.

Now how about Landon? He hid out on the left and did nothing. He tends to do that a lot, but still maintains his crown. And he will, at least in MLS, because Cooper will surely sign with a team overseas. And Landon, by default again, will be the King of Americans in MLS…at least according to many (that deserve to have their heads examined).

Columbus Crew outside midfielder Robbie Rogers is a better outside midfielder than Landon. Dynamo striker Brian Ching is a better forward than Landon. Cooper a better striker as well. All are American, and all are better than Landon right now.

But the catch is this…Cooper will go to Europe…so will Rogers…and I still can’t believe the towering Hawaiian, Brian Ching hasn’t yet. He’s perfectly cut out for the high-flying antics of the EPL. But he will. And then, once again, Landon will be left with the crown…by default. Because he’ll be the only one still here.

Back to Beckham - there’s only so much he can do…his club has much manuevering to do in order to get back to its old self. The first is to unload the overpaid and overrated Ruiz. I think the team also needs to send Landon up north to play with his former coach Frank Yallop in San Jose.

Now, you’ll think I’m nuts because Landon is leading the league in goals, but he’ll fade and his team won’t go anywhere. They have Buddle to fill that role now and need to bring in somebody that will score 25 goals a year, not just 14. The team is way too inconsistent to be considered good. It’s time to make some changes and quickly.

QUESTION: Who is the best American soccer player in the world…right now?

Mark Lincir

U.S. National Team midfielder (who should be a full-time starter at center mid from here on out Bob) Freddy Adu is headed to Monaco on loan from Benefica for the upcoming season according to news sources worldwide (I say that because I know some people freak out if you don’t reference where you got the news from…well, I got it from everywhere…my gig is to comment on the news!).

I like it. Well, except the part about him being in France. At least it’s not Paris…I forgive you Freddy! I think he’ll do well there. Freddy is not a kid anymore and should be expected sometime soon to become a 90-minute a game guy…let’s hope he can do it at Monaco. I like the fact that I can actually watch him play on some of the soccer cable channels I get instead of having to wait for a possible Champions League appearance to roll around.

Brad Friedel is headed to American-owned (Randy Lerner - Cleveland Browns) EPL club Aston Villa where he looks set to mentor ChivasUSA keeper Brad Guzan. Guzan is still waiting work permit approval. But wait a minute! What if Brad G. isn’t happy with simply being a back-up, which I’m sure he won’t be, even though Brad B. is legit. It could be a match made in heaven or the most compelling goalkeeper battle of the 2008/2009 season.

Hey! Did you hear that Brad’s starting this weekend? Yeah, I know…which one, ya jerk?

The Major League Soccer All-Stars take on West Ham United this Thursday night in Toronto at BMO (pronounced B-MO in case you’ve been saying it wrong all along) field. It would be interesting except that I don’t think I’ll be able to watch it since some of YOU voted Frankie Hejduk onto the MLS team. He’s also an alternate for the U.S. Olympic Team.

What’s the deal? He’s awful. Yeah, I know he runs all day long…and that’s great, but at some point in a game you have to touch the ball with your feet…and that’s where I see Frankie’s downfall, because he doesn’t know what the heck to do when he gets it except launch it into the upper deck.

The over/under on how many crosses the hard-charging yet massively under-skilled Californian launches into the crowd behind the goal is THREE. Place your bets (kidding…betting is bad).

The game should be interesting though…watch Landon Donovan closely and see what he does to have an impact on the game besides take corner kicks and penalty kicks. It is a friendly though…so he’ll probably step up, because ultimately…the game means nothing.

There are reports that the Los Angeles Galaxy is trying to sign former EPL midfielder and Peruvian international Nolberto Solano. If I’m supposed to care, please let me know.

The Galaxy did FINALLY cut Xavier Abel…what took so long? Name one thing he contributed to the Galaxy while he was there, besides an infiinite number of mistakes? I’ll give you a couple of weeks to try and come up with something.

The European seasons start soon, hang in there!

LET’S DEBATE: Should all terrible soccer players be forced to become referees?

Mark Lincir

Munching on a bowl of gratin potatoes, going shoeless indoors and being treated like a God are just some of the many nuances that American striker Pat Noonan is experiencing in Norway where he plays for Aalesunds FK of the Norwegian Premier League. I caught up with the former Indiana Hoosier and found out how much he’s enjoying his new workplace.

What’s been the most unique food that you’ve eaten during your stay in Norway?

My favorite dish that I have here is at a restaurant that is within two minutes walking distance from my apartment. It’s reindeer with a bernaisse sauce and vegetables. The side dish is a bowl of gratin potatoes that are amazing. I could eat it four times a week, but thankfully…I don’t.

Do soccer players get special treatment in Norway, are they revered?

In such a small town as Alesund (pop. 45,000) there is no question that the players are treated like Gods. You can pretty much get recognized anywhere you go, but the people won’t bother you too much…which is nice. They are very passionate fans and love treating the players well. I am pretty new here but have seen the special treatment at all sorts of new locations around town…clubs, cafes, stores (there are many stores where the players get a discount for being a part of the team).

Can you describe a day in your life as a professional soccer player in Norway?

We train at 9:30 or 10 am until about noon. After training I usually grab lunch at one of my two favorite cafes in town with my fiancee. After lunch we may walk around town a bit (if it’s not raining, which happens often). I either take a nap or mess around on the computer for a bit when I get back from lunch. Dinner usually takes place around 8pm and before and after dinner I will usually catch up on American television with movies or tv series. I usually go to bed around midnight, but that fluctuates.

What is a totally Norwegian thing you’ve noticed since you’ve been there?

One thing that I didn’t realize Norwegians do is that they take off their shoes when they enter a house. I have forgotten many times and people will definitely say something. Norwegians also do something called Snus a lot. It’s like having a dip (tobacco), but less poweful. Almost all of my team does it and they put it in their upper lip. They come in tiny packets. You can even find women doing it.

On the field, what do you like most about the game in Norway?

I like the technical side of the game very much here. All over the field you can find players with good technique that don’t get nervous on the ball. The ball moves quickly and on target a good amount of the game.

You’re making more money in Norway than you were in Major League Soccer…have you invested in real estate, stocks or do you buy toys with all your cash?

I like to think that I am smart with my money and that’s why I have someone else take care of it. (laughs)

How much Norwegian have you learned and what is your favorite word or phrase?

I’m sad to say that I haven’t learned much Norwegian at all. I know the bare necessities and that’s pretty much it. My favorite phrase…I obviously won’t be telling or translating for you, sorry.

QUESTION FOR YOU READERS: If you could play for any club in the world, what club would it be and why?

Mark Lincir’s (3rd person reference) answer: I’d play for A.C. Milan so that I could be on the same team as Gattusso, so he couldn’t two-foot me (well, except in practice maybe).